FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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