I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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