3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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