I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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