This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
