He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
