I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
