no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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