hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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