I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
