i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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