worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
