so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize