i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
