when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize