Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
