There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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