Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
