This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
