so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
