Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
