Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Pants are for mortals
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
