U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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