Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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