Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you had me at cake vodka
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
