all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
