Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
