belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
