hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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