i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My feet surprised me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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