Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
