well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
