I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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