Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
