His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
