I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
