Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
