i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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