i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
