I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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