end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
