What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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