If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
