My hand turned me down
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
