if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize