Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
