Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
