think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
