we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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