and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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