Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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