I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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