wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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