Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
