"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would fuck him just for his dog
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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