I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
