I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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