i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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