Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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