Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
