Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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