Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
