I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize