At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
