Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
