How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
