I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
