Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
