D3 body, D1 cock
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
